Trevor WholohanWeekend Funnys
January 27th 2007 02:13
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www.supermantag.org
Check out my other Blog at ahistoryblog.blogspot.com
The Rules
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can't know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.
Signs Technology Took Over Your Life
- You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.
- You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
- You sign Christmas cards by putting
next to your signature.
- Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than.
- You back up your data every day.
- You print the itinerary of your vacation from a scheduler software.
- You pack the laptop computer first for any trip.
- You know more about the computer than about all of your friends.
- You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
- On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
- You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
-. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
- You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better, the track ball or the track pad.
- You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.
- You email this message to your friends over the net. You'd never get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-to-face.
- You don't even read magazine articles anymore, unless someone's keyed them into e-mail and forwarded it to you.
- While you're away from home, the first three numbers you call are your voicenet, a bulletin board, and one of your e-mail accounts.
-You are reading this from a screen.
Recent Quips from Late Night
"The good news is last night President Bush finally admitted he's made mistakes in Iraq. The bad news is he's planning to make the same mistakes again." --Jay Leno
"People who watched the speech said President Bush looked uncomfortable. And I was thinking, of course -- he was in a library surrounded by books." --David Letterman
"After hearing the president's speech, Democrats in the Senate are seeking bipartisan support for a non-binding resolution opposing President Bush's deployment of his military escalation. In response, President Bush said, 'Huh?'" --Conan O'Brien
"Ted Kennedy attacked the president. He said Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam. Which is very unfair. There is a huge difference. Bush knew how to get out of Vietnam." --Jay Leno
"In a prime time speech last night, President Bush said that he was sending in 20,000 more troops to end the war. He wasn't talking about Iraq. He was talking about the war between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump." --Conan O'Brien
"President Bush is now calling for sending 21,000 more troops to Iraq. How does he come up with that number? I don't even think 21,000 people in the country think it's a good idea." --Jay Leno
A Guy from Wisconsin dies and goes to Hell
A guy from Indiana dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity. After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see i f he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Hoosier is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?" The man, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Indiana. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!" The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the man's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the man is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks. Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions. The man replies, "This is great! Just like April in Indiana. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!" The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make him suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly , Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make him unhappy, the devil checks in on him. He is again aghast at what he sees. The man is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee. "How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil. Jumping up and down, he throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over! This means the Packers won the Super Bowl!"
www.supermantag.org
Check out my other Blog at ahistoryblog.blogspot.com
The Rules
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can't know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.
Signs Technology Took Over Your Life
- You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.
- You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
- You sign Christmas cards by putting
next to your signature. - Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than
. - You back up your data every day.
- You print the itinerary of your vacation from a scheduler software.
- You pack the laptop computer first for any trip.
- You know more about the computer than about all of your friends.
- You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
- On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
- You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
-. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
- You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better, the track ball or the track pad.
- You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.
- You email this message to your friends over the net. You'd never get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-to-face.
- You don't even read magazine articles anymore, unless someone's keyed them into e-mail and forwarded it to you.
- While you're away from home, the first three numbers you call are your voicenet, a bulletin board, and one of your e-mail accounts.
-You are reading this from a screen.
Recent Quips from Late Night
"The good news is last night President Bush finally admitted he's made mistakes in Iraq. The bad news is he's planning to make the same mistakes again." --Jay Leno
"People who watched the speech said President Bush looked uncomfortable. And I was thinking, of course -- he was in a library surrounded by books." --David Letterman
"After hearing the president's speech, Democrats in the Senate are seeking bipartisan support for a non-binding resolution opposing President Bush's deployment of his military escalation. In response, President Bush said, 'Huh?'" --Conan O'Brien
"Ted Kennedy attacked the president. He said Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam. Which is very unfair. There is a huge difference. Bush knew how to get out of Vietnam." --Jay Leno
"In a prime time speech last night, President Bush said that he was sending in 20,000 more troops to end the war. He wasn't talking about Iraq. He was talking about the war between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump." --Conan O'Brien
"President Bush is now calling for sending 21,000 more troops to Iraq. How does he come up with that number? I don't even think 21,000 people in the country think it's a good idea." --Jay Leno
A Guy from Wisconsin dies and goes to Hell
A guy from Indiana dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity. After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see i f he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Hoosier is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?" The man, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Indiana. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!" The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the man's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the man is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks. Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions. The man replies, "This is great! Just like April in Indiana. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!" The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make him suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly , Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make him unhappy, the devil checks in on him. He is again aghast at what he sees. The man is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee. "How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil. Jumping up and down, he throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over! This means the Packers won the Super Bowl!"
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